Learning to love me....

So lately with exams, work, church callings and responsibilities and lots of other things going on in my life..I've spread myself thin once again.  Not a surprise I know.  I'm still learning how to say "No". I'm on this emotional roller coaster that I thought was a dramatic and bad thing that needed to be changed  or fixed but I realized God doesn't want me to change who I am.  He wants me to make the right decisions.  I use to wish that I didn't care so much about people and their hearts so that I could maybe not feel the fullness of my heavy heart all the time.  That it would prevent all the crying...the giving..the busy life of caring...but that's not who I am.  I cry.  I give.  I spill my heart to everything and everyone.  I can't do anything half way.  I never could and I never will be.  But I've come to the understanding the God made me like this.  He loves me the way I am and being emotional and caring for everyone in the world regardless of whether I just met you or have known you for years, is not a bad thing.  I don't need to work on it or change it.  One of my best friends is serving a mission in San Fernando, CA. The term "best friend" doesn't really cover our relationship, she's my sister, part of my family.  She is amazing with words and using the English language to describe just exactly how she feels and everyone who reads her stuff knows exactly how she feels without any confusion.  She has a gift.  We are like two peas in a pod.  We both love people easy. We fall hard and fast.  We put everything we have emotionally , mentally, and spiritually into everything that we do.  We have this unrelenting desire to taste freedom or the sense of "care free" in life.  We have lots of passions in life that lead us down amazing paths that often bring both happiness and pain.  One passion, being life, to live it, feel it, enjoy it, appreciate it, and make history of it.  We are full of free spirit.  We refuse to do what the world wants us to do and that's why I love her so much.  Sometimes people find me too much but I connect with others fast and if I feel impressed that I should share something with you, I do.  Sometimes I look back on moments when I've spilled, cried, laughed, got so excited everyone within a 100 mile radius has heard me, and said whatever was on my heart, that I'm embarrassed because I don't hold anything back.  But Lyndsi made me realize, God doesn't want you to hold back.  He made you this way for a reason and He loves who you are.  So like Lyndsi said, I'm not going to be embarrassed by my dramatic, over emotional self.  So I feel, and what I feel, I tell and everyone around me knows.  So I'd rather sit by the lake on a warm summer night and stick my feet in the lake and look up into the heavens, then go to a movie or go shopping.  I'd rather hike and enjoy God's gift of nature and sleep on a mountain top then stay in a nice hotel.  I would rather eat pizza and have a sleep over with my best friend then worry about how unhealthy pizza is and how tired I'm going to be because of staying up giggling all night long.  Like Lyndsi said I'm not one who will sit nicely with legs crossed on your couch and make small talk.  I'm going to sit on the floor and talk with your grandma about yummy southern food and things she use to do when she was my age. I'm going to wash your dishes and help clean up after dinner.   Being personal and in touch with yourself, your feelings, and your spiritual welfare, is what its all about.  You can't live and know joy, if you don't give life and others everything you've got, every chance you get.  I've felt pain, sadness, anger, hurt, disappointment, confusion, embarrassment, love, happiness, joy, excitement, rejected, hope, lost, and being found and many more.  Because I've aloud myself to feel and know what emotions I'm feeling, I am who I am.   I'm learning to love me.